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Sunday, April 11, 2004
Now Taking Requests

Someone I know asked me to write about homophobia, so here ya go.

I'm pretty open-minded, in the larger scheme of things. I don't like to rule too many things out. That's all part of being an agnostic, I guess. But one thing I know for sure, is that I don't really have any interest in having sex with another man. It just doesn't appeal to me.

Still, my take on the whole thing is that, if everyone involved is a consenting adult, go to town. I really don't care. Leave the kids out of it, and you can pierce your scrotum, and hang from the chandeliers for all I care. You may want to reinforce the beam that the chandelier hangs from however, unless spackling and plastering is a turn-on for you.

So, why do seemingly normal people attack gays? There are lots of reasons, probably.

Fear: I don't understand the urge, so it must be bad. You are scared because people are different. That's made things work wonderfully in the Middle East, and in delightful climes like South Africa. And Texas. Don't EVER forget Texas.

The Bible says it's wrong: The Bible says lots of stuff, including that it's ok to sell your daughter. You're going to take your cues on the meaning of life from authors who did not understand the mechanics of rainfall? It's a fucking BOOK. So is Catch-22. My apologies to Joseph Heller.

They're looking at me: Well, truth be told, I might have had a touch of this one when I was younger. "I'll bet they're checking my ass out in the shower." Guess what? You aren't that god damned attractive! Every heterosexual woman isn't offering you sex, why the hell do you think every gay man thinks you're hot? You're conceited.

Secret truth: Deep down, you worry that YOU might be gay. Maybe you are, maybe you aren't. But strapping a kid to a fence and beating him to death isn't going to help you get over it. I guarantee you, those dickbags that killed Matthew Shepherd are finding out their own sexuality all the time now. I hope it hurts, you asshat.

So, why all of the furor over gay marriage? Seems to me, this sort of thing should make religious wackos happy. I mean, not that marriage necessarily means fidelity, but given the promiscuous nature of many gay men, doesn't it seem like it's better for everyone if two guys make a commitment? Two married boys seem less likely to be out causing the havoc you fear, than one of your confirmed bachelor types.

And how exactly does a gay marriage lessen the value of a heterosexual marriage? Is your relationship really on such shaky ground that it can't survive this? I've seen people get divorced for TAX reasons. They still live together, and in reality they are married. A committed, monogamous relationship is what it is. I suppose if you have kids, being married probably makes sense, but I'm not here to judge. Well, not about that, anyway.

I can't ever figure out why conservatives in this day and age, who are so lassez-faire about what Enron does, or what Union Carbide is poisoning us with, feels it is their business what is inserted in American orifices. I ascribe it to reason #4 (see above). Fear of one's own dirty desires is the whole thing with these people. I wish these closeted, self-hating hypocrites would just relax. There are huge problems in the world at the global level, and also locally. Spend some of the time you waste nurturing your own fears doing something positive. Hell, just go play with your kids. But if you pass on the sick crap that you picked up along the line to them, I hope they kill you in your sleep.

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posted at 9:15 AM

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