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Wednesday, January 19, 2005
Material Goods

I am not a person that wants a lot of stuff. I mean, I can look at a new car or an iPod, and think, "Well, that's pretty cool," but I don't want it. I appreciate nice things, I just don't feel an urgent need for things. I'm a lousy consumer, no doubt.

That being said, I have decided on a thing that I must have. Now, it's not as if I hadn't seen one of these things before, but suddenly, I am craving this damned thing. It's not even a fun thing, but goddammit, I just know I'm gonna throw down 500 bucks on one. Here take a look:


I'm totally hooked on the concept of using this thing all over the house, and then running outside and yelling, "Look at all this shit I had in the carpet! Can you believe it?" And then I'll run back inside and repeat the process several dozen times. I feel like a complete dink.

And then I'll get bored with it, because after all, it's a fucking vacuum cleaner. I won't have buyer's remorse, because it's still a pretty damned good item to have around, but I just know I'll have occasional thoughts like, "I could have flown to Hawaii," or, "If I had bought a gun, I could have forced someone to pick up all the shit on my floor, and possibly make me dinner, too."

But seriously, can you believe this thing? LOOK AT IT. It's easily the coolest household appliance ever, and the sonofabitch really works. NO BAGS, MAN! I'm not made of stone, here. This Dyson guy has really done something, and now he's gonna get a whole bunch of my money. But he earned it, because I'll have this vacuum cleaner from the future, and I'll tell my kids about it someday.

"That's right. Instead of investing that 500 dollars, and using the compound interest to pay for your college education, I got this way bitchin' vacuum cleaner, and feel free to use it in your shitty menial job that you'll probably get cleaning up motel rooms."

George W. Bush is still an elitist dickbag, and I hope it rains like hell on his wasteful, expensive horseshit inaugural festivities.

Oh, man it felt good to say that. I'm gonna go send an English guy 500 dollars for his vacuum cleaner.

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posted at 5:53 AM


Sunday, January 16, 2005
What's Wrong With Me?

I just can't seem to get any writing done lately, and I'm embarrassed. And now it's 4am and I've taken a powerful muscle relaxant. So I suspect some more time may go by before I write.

Perhaps at that point I'll delve into a material thing that I actually covet. It doesn't happen often, but there is a thing that I want. You will not be surprised to find out it's not cool.

Mmmmmm, that's good Squishee!

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posted at 3:56 AM


Sunday, January 02, 2005

I have made no plans to speak of. I would like to finally buy a house, but that seems increasingly unlikely. I may move to another part of the country, but I like where I live now. I'm not planning to buy a car, even though I can do so with no money down and zero percent interest until 2007. I probably won't buy another suit this year. I may finally burn a (metaphorical) bridge that is just screaming out for a kerosene shower. The possibility of being arrested for sedition or assault is on the rise. I may see a doctor about my sore shoulder. I'm too young to work myself to death, but that won't stop me from trying.

I'm in a good place when it comes to work, in that I kind of like my job. I don't love it, but at least it allows me to learn some new stuff, and it's not always the same every day. Additionally, management is currently somewhat afraid of me, which I have to tell you, is a lot of fun, and tough for me not to abuse. I can't get by on what they pay me, and that's a drawback. Maybe that will motivate me to move. Of course, it'd be nice if you bastards would send money once in awhile, but I'm not going to beg.

I hope your holidays were decent, and that 2005 works out nicely for you. If I can manage to keep a thought in my head, I will blog as often as possible.

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posted at 2:46 AM

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