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Monday, March 29, 2004
Some bad news

Now that you're hooked on this incredible blog, you should know something:

Unlike most bloggers, I work for a living.

This will occasionally interfere with my opportunities to spew the guidance you so desperately need. In the interim, please feel free to file frivolous lawsuits against the warden at your correctional facility.

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posted at 6:52 AM


Sunday, March 28, 2004
Poor People Vote Republican?

I try to pay attention to stuff going on in the world because it seems like the mature thing to do. I may be stupid, but I don't want to be ignorant, so I read what I can get my hands on, and try to separate the truth from the bullshit. And you don't exactly need the premium model bullshit detector from Radio Shack to detect it. Especially in an election year.

So, in 2000, America flipped a coin, it landed on it's side, rolled around for a month, and then the Supreme Court of The United States Of America stomped it's foot down and told us the result. I have to admit, I drifted off a lot in school, but I think I'd have remembered something as interesting as this:

"Should it come down to it, a group of judges, some appointed by one contestant's father, will make an impartial decision as to who will be the leader of the free world."

I honestly thought people would take to the streets and burn shit up. I mean, this type of thing happens in banana republics, but not in America. But it turned out, nothing happened, because Survivor was on, and Christ, that's engrossing.

(Side note to you anarchists: The only way to get Americans off of our asses, and angry enough to overthrow the government, is to cut off access to cable and satellite television for at least three days. At that point, people will be angry enough to follow any hare-brained scheme you may have, and may consider you charismatic enough to support your installment as El Presidente' For Life.)

I blame Ralph Nader for the result of the 2000 election, but ultimately, he was right. If the Democrats had provided a clear alternative to the Republicans, maybe he'd have been a non-factor. Ralph has done a lot of good things for this country, and I hope his legacy won't be permanently stained by the great election heist.

As for me, I'm not really a Democrat or a Republican. There are some good people in both parties, and some good people in parties you never heard of. So this isn't some bleeding heart asshat yammering away to save the whales. I'll admit, I like the whales as friends. But that's it.

Here, let me show you how completely warmongering I really am. Which leads me to Iraq.

Here we are, a year later, and we've accomplished some good things there. There's no getting around the fact that Iraq is better off with Saddam in custody. America isn't any safer, but you have to take the positive where you can find it. Unfortunately, there isn't much of it. A lot of Americans and Iraqis are dead or injured, and the US is reviled in the world. Meh, I can live with that, even if it is pathetic.

"I thought you were going to give us your hardcore badass war thing!"

The weapons of mass destruction story was crap. The President lied to get what he wanted. It's been done before. I really don't have so much of a problem with invading Iraq, and I'll tell you why. We're bigger than they are.

We're too stupid to drive fuel efficient cars here, and the government won't force the automakers to build them, so we need oil. Iraq has it. Send 200,000 US troops in there, occupy the oilfields, and tell the rest of the world to send a contingent to help guard them, or they can buy OUR oil at obscenely inflated prices.

The fact is, America is the modern Roman Empire. We need to stop couching our motives in righteousness, and say, "Look, we're doing this BECAUSE WE CAN." Rome fell, and America will too; it's simply the nature of things.

In the meantime, as long as we're cranking up the old war machine, we need to go to Saudi Arabia, kick those fat, two-faced fucks off of their thrones, and take THEIR oil, too. You get to keep Mecca and Medina, so you can be good Muslims, but the oil is OURS. You don't get to have it both ways anymore. Fifteen of the nineteen 9/11 hijackers were Saudis, and it's not a coincidence. The Muslim extremists are going to hate us anyway, let's really earn it.

Still sound like a liberal to ya, Cletus?

Anyway, it's 2004, and we're looking at another close election in all likelihood. The thing is, I can't understand why. America is in, frankly, a depression. It may not be 1929 caliber, but three solid years of hemorrhaging jobs sure feels awfully bread line-esque. Why is the President even in this thing? Don't poor people vote for Democrats, who at least pretend to care about them?

Well, they used to, admittedly. However, now we have guys like Rush Limbaugh (I'll discuss his unique take on draconian drug laws some other time) who rant and rave about liberals, taxes and reckless spending. It's red meat for you if you're rich, I'm sure.

"Damn liberals, spending my money on midnight basketball and that worthless Head Start program. How am I supposed to put gas in my yacht?"

But if you ever tune in to Rush, these aren't MBAs and captains of industry calling in to agree mindlessly with Tubby. Most of them sound like white trash, and most WT isn't exactly trying to figure out what to do with it's capital gains. So, why do they support these ultra-conservative views, that ultimately are to their own detriment?

I can solve this riddle with one word: Hope.

Hope is killing America. We used to legitimately be the best that the world had to offer. The generation that came of age during World War II did nothing less than save the world. There is no getting around that.

Today though, we have American Idol, and Maury Povich and The Real World, and every damned one of us believes that we are special and interesting, and we are going to make it in Hollywood or win the Lotto, and then, I'll be goddamned if I want my taxes spent on midnight basketball and, well, you see where this is going.

Hope is killing us. Fuck hope. Wake up.


posted at 11:46 AM


Saturday, March 27, 2004
Gotta Start Somewhere

Well, none of this is going to matter, really. I'm not going to pretend that anything that appears here will change or improve your life. But maybe occasionally, something will interest you, or irritate you, and you'll think about it a little bit, or respond, or get off your ass and change the world.

I'd do it myself, but I'm very busy with this blog.

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posted at 9:42 PM

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