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Friday, January 26, 2007
No Soul To Steal

I have to get my picture taken on Monday.

I hate having my picture taken.

It's a work thing, and everyone has to do it, and they are trying to soften the blow by offering us lunch. It's a clever move, as they know I have driven for well over an hour to obtain free food, but I don't want to do it.

I don't recall a dislike of being photographed when I was a very young child, but I think it may go back to seventh or eighth grade.

"Ah," you say, "The awkward years."

They were
all awkward, in their way.

I seem to recall standing in line with my classmates, waiting for my chance to be immortalized. It's better than being in class, ask any 12 or 13 year-old.

And then it's my turn.
It took twenty god damned minutes.

"OK. Sit up straight. Straighter. All right, turn your head. No the other way. Not that far. OK, raise it. Your face, not your head! You're slouching. Move your head back where it was. No, the other way. Look at the light. The other light! Lift your head. No one asked you to put your fist under your chin! SIT UP. Try turning the other way. NO, FACE THE CAMERA. Sit nice and tall. Look up. Not that far! The camera is over here. Don't look right at it! Act natural. STOP SLOUCHING. Lift your chin. NOT WITH YOUR HANDS. We're almost there. Tilt your head to the right. I'm sorry, my right. MY RIGHT. Not that far. Back a little. A little more. TOO FAR. Why are you not sitting up straight like I asked? You're leaning too much. Why are you leaning at all? STOP LEANING. Why won't this kid stop leaning? I've been doing this for over ten years, and I've never seen a kid lean like this. WHAT KIND OF KID LEANS, FOR CHRIST'S SAKE? Yes! Hold that! WHY DID YOU STAND UP? Sit down, kid. OK, sit up straight. More straight. NOT THAT STRAIGHT."

And so on.

This is only very slightly exaggerated, honestly.

I'm thinking that might have been the moment when I decided that being visually documented wasn't really worth the effort.

I like my job, or I'd quit over this.

posted at 4:47 PM


Friday, January 19, 2007

I don't really feel like I have a whole lot to say. There is still a lot of dumb stuff going on, it's in the newspapers, but for some reason, I can't seem to sit down and try and make sense of it.

So I haven't.

The dam will burst at some point.

posted at 8:21 PM


Tuesday, January 09, 2007
My Pat Robertson Moment

Last week, certified crazy person, Pat Robertson made, in what is now an annual ritual, his predictions for the upcoming year. In an unusual turn, Pat is predicting doom and horror. God revealed to him that there would be an attack resulting in a "mass killing."

"I'm not necessarily saying it's going to be nuclear," Robertson said. "The Lord didn't say nuclear. But I do believe it will be something like that."

Of course, the lord would never have said "nuclear."

"Nookyoolar" maybe...

Now, Pat's record of prediction is pretty solid. A year ago, Robertson said that God told him that storms and possibly a tsunami were to crash into America's coastline in 2006. Let's go to the scorecard:

America 1, Tsunamis 0

But lest we forget that New England had heavy rains (in the spring of all times!) and had experienced some flooding. Well, Pat didn't, and says that's close enough for faith-based government grants.

This past Monday, White House Press Secretary, Tony Snow, in an attempt to grease the American anus ahead of the President's upcoming speech on troop escalations, went to the well yet again.

Snow said that the president "understands there is a lot of public anxiety" about the war. But on the other hand, he said that Americans "don't want another September 11."

Alas, it is inevitable.

There is nothing that we can do about it. Terrorist attacks will be prevented, some will succeed, Americans will be murdered, and that's the 21st Century.

Another September 11th is a guarantee.

It's right there on the calendar, on a Tuesday, just like in 2001. It will follow September 10th like clockwork, and not even the president, his grotesque trampling of the Constitution, or our powerful military can stop it. Only the dead can avoid another September 11th, and I would like to remind George W. Bush of that fact, and wish him the best.

The smart money says the President's speech tomorrow night where he will propose an escalation of troop levels will be couched in the theme of "sacrifice." Even the cynic that I am is having a hard time believing that he would dare invoke that word, let alone the concept when it comes to America's war in Iraq.

If you didn't ask us for help in 2001, when Americans and citizens all over the world would have been absolutely willing to do nearly anything to support our troops in what could have been a noble cause, don't you dare use that word now.

You are a reprehensible person, Mr. Bush. You have lived the dilettante's
life, dabbling in this and that, pissing away other people's money, and skimming the surface of life as you dove head first into decades of drug and alcohol abuse, all the while being bailed out by your father's connections, and never taking responsibility for anything. You went to Andover and Yale, and got below average marks. You joined the Texas Air National Guard and trained to fly obsolete planes that weren't being used in Vietnam, because you knew it would keep you out of harm's way.

And you went AWOL even from that soft duty.

Sacrifice, for you, is something that other people do. The military and their families have sacrificed enough for your fruitless war of choice. Either reinstate the draft and actually support the men and women you have cynically used as props at every stage of your presidency, or bring them home.

"Sacrifice." Give me a break.

posted at 6:55 PM

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