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Friday, May 20, 2005
What a set of wedding balls!

I've become accustomed to not having a lot of spare money laying around, and even though I'd just assume have a little more to make my life easier, I don't lose any sleep over it. Now after reading the following, I realize how stupid I really am:


Once again, we are simply destroying ourselves by our own optimism. People want to have storybook or celebrity-quality weddings, and dammit, they are neither celebrities, or living a fairytale existence. What a fucking bummer. Well, no point in letting reality get in the way of your big day, just ask your idiot friends and family to foot the bill!

Let me say something nice here about television. I love it. Like any good relationship, you have to put up with a fair amount of crap, but when things are good, like when the Simpsons is on, ooh baby...Ecstasy.

I can even watch silly crap like MTV's Cribs once in awhile. I kind of don't really give a damn about the celebrities, but it's often interesting to see what people with unlimited budgets do with their private space. Sometimes it's impressive, other times all you can think is, "Well, you can't buy class." It's sort of an Extreme Dos and Don'ts, but occasionally you see something, an architectural layout or a piece of furniture, and it gets you thinking about your own space. No harm in it.

But, I keep my TV inside the tube where it belongs, and I don't let it intrude on my life. TV should be an occasional pleasant distraction, and a babysitter for your kids, but nothing more. It's not a guide to life, especially those church channels. Egad.

It's ok to want things, I suppose. I'm not sure if it's healthy to pine about stuff, but it's fine to desire something lovely, if it will actually make you happy in some way. An aside...

Several years ago, I came into a nice chunk of change, just over ten grand. It was highly unusual to just have that kind of loot on me, and I had no real plans for it. But I was out one day, and I wandered into a contemporary furniture store, and there was lots of cool stuff in there. So, I spot this dining room table, and trust me, it would take far too long to describe it to you, even though the design was fairly simple, but suffice it to say, I wanted the thing. It was just a beautiful piece. The cost? Seven thousand bucks. I'm basically standing there with 11 grand in my pocket, and I could have bought it, and still made the rent. But I knew that I did have some other bills to pay, and even though technically I could afford it, it just wasn't the best use of the money at the time. I had to be realistic, because no one was going to hand me another pile of cash the following month. So, I left the store. I did end up buying an Armani suit, which I still have, so it's not as if I didn't have a little bit of fun with the dough. So shut up.

But it never occurred to me to send out a letter to my loved ones reading, "Dear suckers, my birthday is coming up some time in the next twelve months, and I want this table, so please send cash, and thank you." I feel pretty stupid now, in retrospect. The problem is that I was raised right. Dammit.

Once again, people and their unrealistic expectations are fucking up this country. You are not entitled to an expensive wedding, a fantastic exotic honeymoon, or even one gift! You should stop expecting anything. Figure out what you can afford, and then spend only half that much. Weddings are nice, but the industry is a racket almost beyond compare. Besides, it's the marriage, not the wedding that matters, and you can have a great relationship without a 9-tiered cake.

And if you should receive an invitation to a wedding where they ask you to bring your checkbook, reply promptly that you will be unable to attend, and that the bride and groom are classless and should fuck off and die. Oh, and take the stamp off the return envelope so it gets there postage due.

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posted at 1:27 AM

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