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Saturday, July 30, 2005
Turning now to the NBA...

I don't know why I've chosen this moment to talk sports, but I guess it's because it's hot out, and I'm irritable. I'm a baseball guy, unreservedly, but the National Basketball Association is in the throes of free agency season, and I can't hide from it. I'll keep this brief.

Fuck Larry Brown. How is it that this guy signs a contract with Detroit, decides he wants to break it, gets millions of dollars from the team he became bored with, and is free to sign another huge deal with any other team immediately? Did I fuck up and make a bad deal with my employer? Can I quit on them and demand they keep paying me? Am I that stupid? Yeah, you are.

But the asshole that's really pissing me off right now is Pat Riley. Pat Riley is the biggest pussy in sports, and I'll tell you why. First of all, he coached the Lakers. FUCK the Lakers. He made wearing mousse in your hair seem like a good idea. This guy wins a few of rings with Kareem Abdul-Jabbar and Magic Johnson on his team. Phil Jackson would have won twice as many. Then this guy wins nothing of value in New York with Patrick Ewing, and essentially does nothing of value as coach of the Miami Heat. Well, he did do one great thing.

He quit.

And he didn't just step down after losing 57 games in 2002-2003. Nah, this dickwad waits until 15 minutes before the 2003-2004 season started before being the first rat off the ship. He knew he had a garbage team, and ran away like a bitch to become General Manager. It was left to Stan Van Gundy to clean up Riley's mess.

But Van Gundy managed to get the Heat together after a couple of months, and they ended up in the Eastern Conference Finals the following spring. An unbelievable job.

Then, before the 2004-2005 season, Miami traded for Shaquille O'Neal, and became a legitimate threat to win the NBA title. Suddenly, Pat remembered his love of coaching.

"This is a great team! I know how to coach great teams. I just put on an expensive suit, and get out of the way!"

This douchebag Riley has been stabbing Van Gundy in the back for a year now, because it kills him that Van Gundy has been able to do what he has not, that is, win games with a dumbfuck named Pat Riley running the front office. Talk about a handicap! Pat Riley could never have coached even a great team to a championship. Without a roster full of Hall Of Famers, he'd probably have been lucky to win half his games. He's worthless.

I have no real close to this, to be honest. You may return to watching baseball for the next few months.

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posted at 11:35 PM

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