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Friday, January 26, 2007
No Soul To Steal

I have to get my picture taken on Monday.

I hate having my picture taken.

It's a work thing, and everyone has to do it, and they are trying to soften the blow by offering us lunch. It's a clever move, as they know I have driven for well over an hour to obtain free food, but I don't want to do it.

I don't recall a dislike of being photographed when I was a very young child, but I think it may go back to seventh or eighth grade.

"Ah," you say, "The awkward years."

They were
all awkward, in their way.

I seem to recall standing in line with my classmates, waiting for my chance to be immortalized. It's better than being in class, ask any 12 or 13 year-old.

And then it's my turn.
It took twenty god damned minutes.

"OK. Sit up straight. Straighter. All right, turn your head. No the other way. Not that far. OK, raise it. Your face, not your head! You're slouching. Move your head back where it was. No, the other way. Look at the light. The other light! Lift your head. No one asked you to put your fist under your chin! SIT UP. Try turning the other way. NO, FACE THE CAMERA. Sit nice and tall. Look up. Not that far! The camera is over here. Don't look right at it! Act natural. STOP SLOUCHING. Lift your chin. NOT WITH YOUR HANDS. We're almost there. Tilt your head to the right. I'm sorry, my right. MY RIGHT. Not that far. Back a little. A little more. TOO FAR. Why are you not sitting up straight like I asked? You're leaning too much. Why are you leaning at all? STOP LEANING. Why won't this kid stop leaning? I've been doing this for over ten years, and I've never seen a kid lean like this. WHAT KIND OF KID LEANS, FOR CHRIST'S SAKE? Yes! Hold that! WHY DID YOU STAND UP? Sit down, kid. OK, sit up straight. More straight. NOT THAT STRAIGHT."

And so on.

This is only very slightly exaggerated, honestly.

I'm thinking that might have been the moment when I decided that being visually documented wasn't really worth the effort.

I like my job, or I'd quit over this.

posted at 4:47 PM

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