Can I kick it? No, you can't.

Boy, life sure is crazy sometimes. One minute, you're skating out of jail for some mansion arrest with your Tiffany ankle monitor strapped to your leg, the next, you're being carried out of court, kicking and screaming.

And what's really crazy is that I can honestly say Paris Hilton is being treated unfairly.

The LA County Sheriff let Paris out of jail for a couple of reasons:

She didn't really like jail very much.

She was being mentally stressed by the incarceration.

As far as those two factors go, tough shit. I'm actually pleased by both of those things, because I'm not a very nice person. But there was another explanation, too.

LA County jails are overburdened, to no one's surprise. The sheriff concluded that a person with Hilton's record would reasonably be one of the first released in order to clear space for more dangerous criminals. He also suspected that if her name was Shmaris Shmilton, she'd never have even seen the inside of a cell.

So, he let her out, and sent her home with conditions. Confinement to the home, no false eyelashes exceeding two inches in length, etc.

As you've read here, I was not pleased.

And as you're reading here now, I still really don't give a damn that she has to go back to jail, even though as the law goes, she's being treated differently.

Now, being treated differently is something that people like Paris have gotten used to, and they wouldn't have it any other way. Usually, this treatment results in what we might call privileges. This time, it's to her detriment.

And as I looked at the photos of her screaming and crying, I was not really moved, even though as I've said, she's not being treated fairly.

But you know what? She understands something now that she never understood before. She understands what real fear is. She understands that a bad bottle of Cristal is not an actual tragedy. She is beginning to see that sometimes the bills don't always go to the accountant. She has begun to understand what life is like in a world where no one is there to protect you, and you have to clean up your own messes. This experience will be a revelation for Paris Hilton.

But it will pass. I assure you, nothing good will come of this. So enjoy it while you can, if you get a kick out of seeing an heiress forced to eat hot dogs. I'm not too proud to admit that I will.

Saturday, June 09, 2007