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Thursday, June 07, 2007
Paris Liberated

So, Paris Hilton is out of jail, apparently for health-related issues. Sources tell me that she has a scorching case of Rich White Lady.

But she's not free, lest you be concerned for the safety of your children and prescription pills. She's been confined to her home for the next six and one-half weeks. Now, that might seem harsh to you, but then, you're probably not an heiress.

If you are an heiress, and are a fan of my writing, I would really like to meet you. I believe a mutually beneficial arrangement could be worked out.

But if you are like me, and not the heir to some large fortune or other, then you might think that being confined at home is something of a hardship. Fortunately, her place is a lot nicer than yours. Still, questions remain.

"Will she be allowed out of the house to mow the lawn and other household chores?"

Actually, no. People have been hired to take care of these things for her. They will be paid in cash, under the table.

"Is she to be permitted to go to her place of work?"

Sadly, Paris is currently between jobs, much in the same way that Ronald Reagan is between lives. But with all of these legal problems, how is she supposed to get work?

Paris is free. Maybe there is a God.

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posted at 9:34 AM

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