Can I kick it? No, you can't.

I Got Your Mandate Right Here

With only one electoral college vote in Nebraska still outstanding, the final score from Tuesday is:

Obama/Biden - 364
McCain/Palin - 173

This is a blowout. I know it's a blowout, because every time I turn on the television, any Real American™ within shouting distance of a camera keeps screaming that the results don't mean anything, that this is still a center-right country, and if the Democrats try and push a liberal agenda, Ronald Reagan will rise from the grave and send arms to Iran in exchange for hostages.

Something like that, it's hard to understand a lot of them from all of the sobbing. Let's review:

Barack Obama is:

A terrorist
A Muslim
A Muslim terrorist
an atheist
A black supremacist
A Socialist
A Communist
the antiChrist
a foreigner
black

All over this country for the past several months, preachers have been standing in the pulpit, advising their customers to pray for an Obama loss.

First of all, I'm taking your non-political tax-exempt status, dickhead.

And what does Tuesday say about your belief? Either there is no God, God doesn't like you very much, or God just doesn't give a damn about the amusing election ritual that the tiny blobs of plasma slithering around here in some small corner of the Milky Way have every so often.

Assuming that any of these possibilities are true, let's get back to the list of what Barack Obama is, and take one of the milder ones. "Black" is pretty inflammatory, so I'm going to go with "Socialist."

Barack Obama is a Socialist.

Everyone knows this. It was reported all over the networks, newspapers, and online. This charge first made the rounds after Senator Obama was asked a question by a man we've come to know as Joe Sort Of A Plumber. It caught on like wildfire, Sarah Palin inflamed crowds as she clucked about America turning into a country like Africa, and the handful of Americans who still have wealth worried about a President Obama redistributing it. There is no question, a vote for Obama is a vote for Socialism.

Does that still count? Did this country just overwhelmingly vote for Socialism? We knew what we were doing, we were warned. What does this say about us? It's a landslide for Socialism.

Welcome to The People's Republic of The United States of America.

You put a safety net in place for citizens, it's Socialism. You do it for entire industries or banks, and it's...what? Reaganomics? Trickle-down? Voodoo Economics? Dry ass-rape of the taxpayer? Only one of these vaunted theories actually works, and I encourage you to do the research on which just as soon as you can sit down again.

In the meantime, the Socialist won. And this wasn't some split decision handed to him by Daddy's Supreme Court, Obama won this thing big. It wasn't even close.

You know who should be happy? Joe the Plumber. And not because as everyone now knows, he'll be better off under Obama's tax plan, that he doesn't make anywhere near $250k a year, that he couldn't buy his boss' business if he lived to be 100. Nope, JT Plumber will be better off in our gleaming new Welfare state, because he himself has been on Welfare. Twice.

Conservatives defined Barack Obama as a Socialist. This country has given Barack Obama an overwhelming mandate. Do the math.

In other news, there will still be mandates here in California, but due to the polygamy people, there will be no man-marriage.

Thursday, November 06, 2008