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I'm so hungry, I could
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Wednesday, January 19, 2005
Material Goods
I am not a person that wants a lot of stuff. I mean, I can look at a new car or an iPod, and think, "Well, that's pretty cool," but I don't want it. I appreciate nice things, I just don't feel an urgent need for things. I'm a lousy consumer, no doubt.
That being said, I have decided on a thing that I must have. Now, it's not as if I hadn't seen one of these things before, but suddenly, I am craving this damned thing. It's not even a fun thing, but goddammit, I just know I'm gonna throw down 500 bucks on one. Here take a look:
http://www.dyson.com/homepage.asp
I'm totally hooked on the concept of using this thing all over the house, and then running outside and yelling, "Look at all this shit I had in the carpet! Can you believe it?" And then I'll run back inside and repeat the process several dozen times. I feel like a complete dink.
And then I'll get bored with it, because after all, it's a fucking vacuum cleaner. I won't have buyer's remorse, because it's still a pretty damned good item to have around, but I just know I'll have occasional thoughts like, "I could have flown to Hawaii," or, "If I had bought a gun, I could have forced someone to pick up all the shit on my floor, and possibly make me dinner, too."
But seriously, can you believe this thing? LOOK AT IT. It's easily the coolest household appliance ever, and the sonofabitch really works. NO BAGS, MAN! I'm not made of stone, here. This Dyson guy has really done something, and now he's gonna get a whole bunch of my money. But he earned it, because I'll have this vacuum cleaner from the future, and I'll tell my kids about it someday.
"That's right. Instead of investing that 500 dollars, and using the compound interest to pay for your college education, I got this way bitchin' vacuum cleaner, and feel free to use it in your shitty menial job that you'll probably get cleaning up motel rooms."
George W. Bush is still an elitist dickbag, and I hope it rains like hell on his wasteful, expensive horseshit inaugural festivities.
Oh, man it felt good to say that. I'm gonna go send an English guy 500 dollars for his vacuum cleaner.
And then I'll get bored with it, because after all, it's a fucking vacuum cleaner. I won't have buyer's remorse, because it's still a pretty damned good item to have around, but I just know I'll have occasional thoughts like, "I could have flown to Hawaii," or, "If I had bought a gun, I could have forced someone to pick up all the shit on my floor, and possibly make me dinner, too."
But seriously, can you believe this thing? LOOK AT IT. It's easily the coolest household appliance ever, and the sonofabitch really works. NO BAGS, MAN! I'm not made of stone, here. This Dyson guy has really done something, and now he's gonna get a whole bunch of my money. But he earned it, because I'll have this vacuum cleaner from the future, and I'll tell my kids about it someday.
"That's right. Instead of investing that 500 dollars, and using the compound interest to pay for your college education, I got this way bitchin' vacuum cleaner, and feel free to use it in your shitty menial job that you'll probably get cleaning up motel rooms."
George W. Bush is still an elitist dickbag, and I hope it rains like hell on his wasteful, expensive horseshit inaugural festivities.
Oh, man it felt good to say that. I'm gonna go send an English guy 500 dollars for his vacuum cleaner.
Labels: consumerism, stuff
posted at 5:53 AM