Can I kick it? No, you can't.

We are seven weeks from a historic (not "an historic, morons) election. For the first time in the history of this country, a black man has been nominated for the top spot, and also for the first time, the Republicans have put a woman on the ticket for vice president. The polls are all very close, and anyone who claims to know what's going to happen is full of crap.

Speaking as one who is full of crap, if I had a gun to my head, and my life depended on picking the winner of the election, I would have to say McCain/Palin. I'm not thrilled by this idea, but at the moment, I think it's likely. Hopefully, the next seven weeks will be instructive to the American voter as to what the candidates are about, and who they're in bed with.

Assuming I'm right, John McCain will be sworn in as president next January. Assuming actuarial tables are right, Sarah Palin will be sworn in as president at some point after that. I'm not being morbid here, it's simply that John McCain, statistically speaking, has nearly reached his life expectancy. Voting for McCain is, in reality voting for Sarah Palin to be president, if not on January 20th, at some point in the future.

I do not mention this to scare the hell out of you. I am merely amused that the first female President of the United States is very likely not going to be Hillary Clinton. And that it's largely Hillary's own fault.

Hillary Clinton has spent most of the last two years attempting to frighten people on the subject of Barack Obama. He's inexperienced! He's like Jesse Jackson! He's the son of a single mother on food stamps and an elitist! And, Senator Clinton, is Barack Obama a Muslim?

"Not as far as I know."

Fuck you, Hillary.

The upshot of her disgusting campaign is largely that it provided John McCain with a blueprint on how to attack Barack Obama in the general election campaign. Now to be fair, McCain is fighting a far dirtier campaign, not even bothering to consider the truth when giving speeches or buying campaign advertising. Even the imbecile lapdog media has noticed that most of what the McCain camp is saying is utterly false, but Senator McCain, the man I'd have enthusiastically voted for eight years ago, doesn't give a damn. He just wants to win, and he's even got Karl Rove, the man who trashed McCain's reputation in South Carolina in 2000, on his payroll.

Just win, grandpa.

He may win, again thanks to the groundwork laid by the Clintons. If McCain does win, and Palin does ascend to the presidency, her inadequacies will be made horrifyingly apparent. America will go another fifty years without seriously considering a female candidate for president. Hillary Clinton will reap what she has sown, and will leave as her legacy nothing more than being the strongly feminist first lady who didn't leave her husband after he cheated on her in front of the entire world.

Get off of your ass, Hillary. Start figuring out how you're going to get Barack Obama elected president, or get comfortable with the idea that your moment, the only thing that has mattered to you in the last thirty years, the thing that you feel is your right, will never happen. Sarah Palin will be the first female president, and you'll be Lady Bird Johnson.

It's your legacy, stupid.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008