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Sunday, July 08, 2007
Less than meets the eye

I went to see The Transformers movie over the weekend. If I may quote Abraham Lincoln on the way out of Ford's Theatre, "It could have been worse. I might have been watching The Transformers."

If that wasn't clear enough, this movie is a piece of shit.

It's too bad, really, because I loved the show when I was a kid. I used to record it on a device known as a VCR, just so I wouldn't miss it. And I'm not writing this as some lameass fanboy, who wants to point out ways that the movie "wasn't true to the spirit of the show," blah blah blah.

I can't stand those people. Get a life.

It just sucked, honestly.

There's a scene where Shia Labeouf and his hot girlfriend are looking for a pair of glasses in his room. The reason they need them isn't important, but given that I sat down prepared to suspend my disbelief for the duration of the movie (Robots that turn into cars? That could never happen!), I'm going with it. This scene feels like it lasts for an hour. There are three or four giant robots stamping around in the yard, his parents are interrogating him, and apparently none of the neighbors is concerned about the 5.7 level tremors caused every time one of these Autobots ducks under the rose bushes.

And the Labeouf kid is actually pretty engaging and likable. I don't recall seeing him in anything else, but I can honestly say he looks like the offspring of Wil Wheaton and Russel Crowe. I know that sounds crazy, but that's just how it is.

Anyway, there's plenty of action, which is fine, but if I may offer a tip for the inevitable sequel, when you have two 50 foot tall robots smashing into one another and rolling in the street, maybe the extreme closeup isn't the best angle to use. I couldn't tell what the hell was going on half the time. Pull back, man! It was all a blur, and a sucky blur at that.

"Sucky" is not a word. This is what I'm reduced to.

The other thing that was just irritating was the product placement, and there was plenty of it. I've learned to put up with the fact that I have to pay ten bucks to get in, then I have to sit through five or ten minutes of commercials. Not trailers for upcoming movies (you know, commercials), but ads for Coke, AT&T Wireless and so forth. Fine, complaining won't matter anyway.

But The Transformers is a two-hour ad for General Motors, which can't seem to get cars into American garages, but sure must've paid handsomely to get them on screen. And almost every time a car got smashed close up, it seemed like it was a BMW. I could care less whose cars get crushed on screen, but considering that GM had to pay for their time on camera, and BMW likely got full price for the ones they got in, well, I suppose that's another reason while GM teeters on the brink of being taken over by Toyota.

The movie also serves as a nifty military recruiting ad, with plenty of handsome dudes blasting away with enormous weaponry. Had I been fifteen this week, I'd have run straight to the Army office to sign up.

"You kicked Decepticon ass? I wanna blow up some ragheads who hate my freedoms!"

Really, this film just sucked. There were continuity problems, things that didn't really seem to make any sense, and I'm sure it'll make more money than any other movie this year.

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posted at 7:53 PM

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Saturday, July 03, 2004
You're all just dying to know what I think of that movie

White Chicks, starring the Wayans brothers that AREN'T funny...

But instead, I think I'll discuss Fahrenheit 9/11.

This is a pretty impressive piece of investigative work, even given Michael Moore's political slant. Much of the information doled out in the movie has been public knowledge for some time, but to see it all presented together in a cohesive way is just overwhelming. And it is utterly damning of this obviously criminal administration. It begs the question of why the American press has never bothered to look into the actions of the President and Vice President, both previous to, and during their time in power.

One of the more interesting portions concerned George W. Bush's military records, particularly the sections where he was AWOL along with another officer whose name was blacked out when these documents were released to the press by the administration. This man's name is James R. Bath, and it turns out that after these two "patriots" dodged service in Vietnam, Mister Bath would go on to become financial advisor to a key investor in the future president's failed Arbusto oil venture. Mister Bath's client was a Saudi whose last name just happened to be Bin Laden, one of Osama's many brothers.

So, in addition to being considered family by the Saudi royal family, George W. Bush's wealth comes from, in no small part, the same family whose name will forever be connected with the murder of nearly 3,000 people in September 2001. This is not speculation, it is fact that anyone who bothered to get off of their asses could find out.

Perhaps you just take it as Michael Moore's spin on the situation. It seems that, realistically, there are only two ways to view these disturbing facts:

1) They are an interesting series of coincidences.

or

2) The president's ties to white collar criminals and terrorists go back so far that he has started an entire war to distract the world from connecting the dots.

Will any of this sway anyone? I really don't know. America is so polarized that I don't know if there really is such a thing as an "undecided voter." The lines have been drawn so clearly, and you are either a have or a have-not. The middle class is defunct, and we are left with the wealthy, who start wars to improve their portfolios, and the poor, who fight these wars, and are maimed and killed.

Some of the things about the movie that weren't in any of the ads, or in any of the pieces I saw on television about the movie, were the parts that weren't about the president. The footage of everyday life in Iraq before the war was absolutely heartbreaking, just people going about their lives, eating with their families, shopping, worshipping, playing...Just like we do all over the world. They didn't look like people who needed to be annihilated. The administration and the media do a fine job in keeping the war in the abstract, so it's just about numbers and objectives, and not names and faces. And not just about our "enemy."

Moore is from Flint, Michigan, as anyone who has seen his first movie, Roger And Me, knows. He spends some time with a woman from Flint who raised her family in the harsh economic conditions that existed there over the past 25 years. Because she knew she'd not be able to afford to send her children to college, she began instilling in them the noble idea that serving in the military could lead them to places that life in Flint could never hope to provide.

This woman and her family are typically American, and I mean that in the best possible way. They are hard working. They are decent. And they love America. They aren't looking for a handout, or special privilege. They don't feel that they are entitled to anything. They are spiritual, and willing to sacrifice for others.

As you may have guessed, her son was killed in Karbala last year. Watching her struggle with his death, and the ultimate emptiness of it is gut-wrenching. This woman's son is dead, killed in a country that was not a threat to the United States, and there is no explanation for any of it, except that the war covers up a great deal of embarrassing information about the president, his family, and their cronies.

This scene could have taken place in any number of cities all across the United States, and the details would not have been terribly different. A lower income family, a small house, a grieving mother or wife. Lives torn apart by the greed of men in power who have never had to sacrifice at any time in their privileged lives.

I don't really care what your political leanings are, go see this movie. Not for the litany of damning facts about the administration. Go see it for the stories about actual people who have been affected by the president's poor judgement. We are the individuals who bleed and die in the name if freedom. This isn't about a political party or group. You must think and decide for yourself, regardless of any party affiliation. Group thinking is dangerous, because as you must know, none of us is as stupid as ALL of us...

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posted at 11:28 PM

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Friday, April 30, 2004
Kill Bill

I just watched it on DVD, and holy crap! Admittedly, I'm a little late, but I don't get to the theater much, due to my busy schedule and lack of bladder control.

But if you haven't seen it, it's pretty impressive, and definitely not for the kiddies. I've liked Tarantino's movies, and Pulp Fiction is one of my all-time favorites, but this was definitely different. The dialogue was still very good, but there was a lot less of it. The reason, as you probably know, is to leave more room for all of the blood-spattering carnage. And excuse me for using a film school asshat -expression like "visually stunning," but this thing just looks AMAZING.

I'm quite sure that if you ever had dinner with Quentin, you'd be gnawing your own leg off to escape by the time the soup came. I mean, this guy is tiresome. Every interview I've ever seen with the guy makes him come off like some sort of Tourette's sufferer on acid. But he makes terrific movies, and even though Kill Bill Volume Two is in theaters near you RIGHT NOW, I just know I'll end up watching it on the home theater courtesy of the DVD I borrowed from someone.

That's what I do instead of updating the blog. Cheat big shots out of their royalties.

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posted at 1:33 AM

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